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Commentary :: DNC
Opening Up A Can of Whoopass For Saddam Hussien
19 Dec 2003
Though a social and fiscal Libertarian, I've often found myself at odds with the Libertarian philosophy of "Live and Let Live." Now George Bush is probably not going to go down on my list of top ten presidents, but he handled this whole war on terror in a decisive and no-nonsense fashion.
December 19, 2003

Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead

Though a social and fiscal Libertarian, I've often found myself at odds with the Libertarian philosophy of "Speak however you please, you and your neighbors keep a few fair to middling size sticks around just in case, and cross your fingers and hope to hell they show up for the ass-whupping party if one needs to happen." One of the few truly unquestionable powers of the Federal Government is to provide for a strong national defense.

I'm generally a peaceful man, though I'm capable of opening up a case of whoopass with the best of them if need be. I'm perfectly willing to live next door to an uncouth and uncultured Philistine, but once he starts flinging beer bottles in my yard, or letting his rats run loose, I hit the limit of my good neighbor policy. Hell, I'll even let the kids next door play their damn rap. (What middle class white kids know about "life in the hood" I will never understand, but whatever.) Let them start fighting and tearing up my tomatoes, and there will be hell to pay. Waiting until someone actually starts shooting at you, when they make no bones that it is their intent to do so, or have already taken pot-shots at you, is about as dumb as a box of rocks.

Now George Bush is probably not going to go down on my list of top ten presidents. But I'll give him credit where it is due. He's handled this whole war on terror in a decisive and no-nonsense fashion. And as for people to have in office during this segment of American History, I have to say he bar far and away beats the tar out of any of the other clowns the left offered. Hell, even Harry Browne would have been worse. (Harry would have made a fine peacetime president, I think. We don't live in peaceful times right now.)

The damn Middle East in general, and the Arab-Muslim axis in specific, started a long time ago throwing their beer bottles in my yard and letting their rubbish heap become a breeding ground for rats. And I support a hundred percent the long overdue housecleaning that they so richly deserve. The only really completely civilized country over there is Israel. Some are coming around, though.

Saddam Hussein, though. Come on, bucky. Even a Fruit Loop like Moammar Qadafi (Or however he's spelling his name these days) saw the wisdom in not sticking his hand down the badger hole after getting a couple of fingers bit off by Ronald Reagan. Ol' Saddam, I just don't know what to make of him. Reminds me of the Black Knight out of Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. None shall pass, my butt. This sonuvagun (Bet ya though I was gonna say summbitch, didn't ya?) doesn't have the good sense to spit downwind in a cyclone. What ever possessed that bonehead to think that a second go-round was going to be any different from the first is something that will leave me scratching my head until my dying day. It just goes to show you that there are some people who are such big damn fools that even the Good Lord can't protect them.

I watched incredulously as the first pictures came through the other day. I couldn't help but think, "My God, is this really the boogeyman?" Look at them. He looks like a street bum. Put 6 layers of clothing on him and give him a shopping cart with recyclables and you could hide him under a bridge in New Your City for years. He's pathetic. He looks like he's ready for a nursing home.

We lost fifty thousand or more men in Vietnam. Forty thousand in Korea. We've been over there a year and lost how many? Less than a thousand. This is what is called operational casualties, and by that we speak of the amount of people the military plans on dying just from maneuvering their butts around, building infrastructure and supply lines, accidents, and such. Now to hear the Leftist-Socialist press describe it, though, American Blood is flowing in rivers. And the amount of civilian casualties, compared to any other war you could name is as close to statistically zero as you can get. The precision with which ordnance is deployed is frightening. Of course, every accidental civilian death is magnified by the yellow journalists until it makes the bombing of Dresden look like a weenie roast.

And it's a clever trick. You can't dismiss the utter absurdity of their statements without them taking the opportunity to piously and solemnly intone how important "every American Life is -- as well as every Iraqi."

I'm telling you, the Democrats are reaching. Oh, hell yes, they are playing their core audience with the mastery of a concert pianist. Trouble is, they're preaching to the choir there. Those Democrats would vote for Satan himself if he ran on the democratic ticket. Well, at least then nobody could accuse them for settling for the lesser evil.

Piece of advice for the Hate Bush crowd: Get over yourself. You're sounding shrill and petulant. He won the election. Every recount says so. Mr. Personality, Al Gore, lost. And George is doing a good job on the economy, it's growing. And the war on terror is going well.

The biggest problem we face is what the hell to do with him. I almost wish someone had gone ahead and lobbed the grenade down the hole, though I wish a way could have been found to see the look on Saddam's face at the last second. I think there was a reason he was clutching a fresh pair of jockey shorts, and just between you, me, and the fencepost here, it's probably because he thought he would need to change them after he got out, if you catch my drift. This joker, I predict, is going to wind up being an albatross around everyone's neck. It'd be nice if when our pal Osama finally gets rounded up if someone arranges to have him drown while trying to escape, after stealing a couple of heavy chains. Gee, you know how those whacky Al Qaedans can be....

I'm honestly torn over this. I'm an opponent of the death penalty, for several reasons. While wanting to avoid an argument over that, I'll just say that yes, some people need to die, but I don't trust our corrupt system to sort them out. Saddam, though, is a no-brainer. It's an old piece of wisdom that there is no place but the grave for the man who once was king. And I do not envy the people whose task it will be to determine his fate. It looks like it will be the civilian authorities who will rule Iraq next year.

But I'll tell you this -- if they really want to thank George Bush, I can think of no better method than by scheduling his execution for next October. Yep. A fair trial, followed by a first-class hanging.

Pete Jensen

* * *

Pete Jensen is a Computer Engineer and Curmudgeon who lives in the wilds of Southern Indiana. He enjoys satirizing political correctness, and mocking its advocates. If you'd care to write him and talk reasonably he welcomes it. If you'd care to write him and froth at the mouth ideologically, he welcomes that too. You'll be grist for the mill, and know in advance he doesn't regard any such diatribes as privileged communication. That's right, you too can wind up lampooned by his searing wit and insightful barbs in front of millions on the internet."
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More to it...
19 Dec 2003 want to hang Saddam. How bout' hanggin' others like Saddam? People who supplied Saddam with the chemicals, that he used to kill the Kurds? You know who I'm talkin' bout'?...George Bush Sr. and Reagan. Let's be fair... Being fair would be a life sentence. Your from Indiana? So am I. (Guess Northern Indiana is a different world!)