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News :: Politics
Whole world planning "death parties" for Bush, war, and capitalism
01 Feb 2007
With the planet’s ecosystems and humanity’s social and economic systems seriously ill, cities and towns all over the world are making plans to throw huge parties when the wars, empire and capitalist system promoted by U.S. President George W. Bush finally die.
The announcement of these post-war, post-empire, post-Bush, and post-capitalist parties was, experts claimed, a response to news that assorted right-wingers, gusanos, other reactionaries and assorted nihilists were planning to have a Fidel Castro “death party” at Miami’s Orange Bowl when the ailing Cuban leader passes away.

“The Orange Bowl would never be able to fit all those who would want to celebrate the end of George Bush and his imperial wars,” explained a leading death party expert I.M Grimm, explaining the decentralized nature of the planned parties, adding that in contrast to Castro, “a massive football stadium like that would certainly never fit the hundreds of thousands of victims of Bush and his wars, nor could it possibly contain the millions that continue to live in misery or die premature deaths due to capitalism.”

Grimm further explained that the “death watch” for Bush, war and capitalism might seem premature to many, but that is only because their newspapers, TV networks and other paid functionaries have been concealing their poor health. “No matter what the White House spokespeople say, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that global capitalism is very sick indeed. Look at the symptoms: increasing levels of inequality and poverty, all these bloody wars, and new socialist and left-wing movements rising up to kill it, especially in Latin America.”

Health scientists, while divergent on the prognosis for capitalism, agreed that its death would come sooner or later and that the world would be better for it.

“Look, we all know no social system can live forever, but it can cause a lot of damage to those who have to live under it before it passes away,” noted infectious disease specialist Dr. Carling Hengel. “Feudalism was eventually killed by capitalism, but not before bringing a literal plague on humanity. Now it’s capitalism that is well past senility, and its continued survival threatens the planet’s vital ecosystems and, with climate change, all its species.”

While most of the world’s population, especially the majority living in poverty, welcomed the news of the planned death parties, some were critical. “Death parties should be reserved for the demise of left-wing crackpots and troublemakers like Castro, Allende, Malcolm X, or that Chavez pain in the ass,” asserted U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney. “I was just a youngster the day Martin Luther King Jr. was killed, busy with avoiding fighting in Vietnam, but me and some other young Republicans had some fun that night, let me tell you,” Cheney concluded, without saying how he personally would celebrate Castro’s demise.

One headline making the rounds about the planned Castro death party noted that organizers planned to “party like it’s 1959” at the Orange Bowl. When Cubans in Havana were told about this, some noted that they shared that sentiment exactly. “In 1959, we got rid of those gangsters and exploiters – many took their money and ran that year, because a popular revolution had come to power,” explained an anonymous worker at a daycare facility that used to be a mansion belonging to an American millionaire.

Details about the worldwide post-Bush, post-war, post-capitalism parties were unable to be obtained by deadline. There have been, however, a number of unconfirmed reports that festivities are already underway in some neighborhoods of Caracas, and in parts of the Bolivian highlands.

One Mexican “death of capitalism” party organizer, who refused to give his name or even unmask his face, gave only cryptic details about plans, “either we celebrate capitalism’s death all over the world this century, as they have begun in Cuba and Venezuela, or this century could see the death of human civilization as we know it.”

“Either the gravediggers of capitalism get it together in the 21st century, or capitalism will put this whole planet in its grave,” the masked organizer concluded.

The least planning for death of capitalism parties appears to have been done in the United States. “That could just be because the Super Bowl is this Sunday, or because so many youth are busy having K-Fed/Britney break-up parties, ” speculated Grimm.

Despite all the morbid party planning, 80 year-old Fidel Castro has yet to die, six months after stepping down due to a serious illness. In fact, many Castro-type notions seem to be spreading, to places like Ecuador, Nicaragua and throughout Latin America. Both the war in Iraq and capitalism are alive and killing, and capitalist-induced global warming looms to threaten millions more with displacement and death.

“History will never be able to absolve Bush, his wars, or capitalism for what they have done to humanity and the planet,” concluded Dr. Hengel.
See also:
http://www.sevenoaksmag.com/commentary/deathpartysatire.html

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Death Parties in progress
02 Feb 2007
Details about the worldwide post-zionism, post-jewish supresim, post-jewish billionares parties were unable to be obtained by deadline. There have been, however, a number of unconfirmed reports that festivities are already underway in some neighborhoods of lebanon, and in parts of the palestinian highlands.

One boston “death of zionism” party organizer, who refused to give his name or even unmask his face, gave only cryptic details about plans, “either we celebrate zionism’s death all over the world this century, as they have begun in palestine and lebanon, or this century could see the death of human civilization as we know it.”

“Either the gravediggers of zionism get it together in the 21st century, or zionism will put this whole planet in its grave,” the masked organizer concluded.

The least planning for death of zionism parties appears to have been done in the United States. “That could just be because the LPC movie is this Sunday, or because so many youth are busy having K-Fed/Britney break-up parties, ” speculated Grimm.

Despite all the morbid party planning, 80 year-old Osama Bin Laden has yet to die, six months after stepping down due to a serious illness. In fact, many Bin Laden-type notions seem to be spreading, to places like Ecuador, Nicaragua and throughout Latin America. Both the war in Iraq and zionism are alive and killing, and capitalist-induced global warming looms to threaten millions more with displacement and death.

“History will never be able to absolve coalition of "The Jews", their wars, or ursury mongering for what they have done to humanity and the planet,” concluded Dr. Palestine.