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News ::
For radicals--because rape happens in our communities
11 Apr 2001
An anonymous message sent to a listserve for the broad radical/anarchist/revolutionary community. Because sexual assault and violence happen in our community. And we all are responsible for stopping it.
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Welcome to the real world.
12 Apr 2001
Suffering is indeed real.

Punk and all that other shit, is nothing.
Thanks for being so helpful and supportive
12 Apr 2001
Thanks for posting something so useful, Misanthrope. But I'm guessing the reason this sister wrote this was not to hear some smart ass comment from someone who lurks on the IMC and makes snide comments, but to break silence in the interest of changing things.

You're right on one point--when it comes to being immune to violence, calling oneself punk is essentially nothing. But the point is for those who identify as part of that community to change that reality. So what're we gonna do, "radicals"?
im sorry
16 Apr 2001
im sorry. im sorry for you and im sorry for me and im sorry for anyone who has ever had every bit of dignity torn from their hearts and hands in an instant of pure violent madness. i've been very lucky in that my family has supported me from day one. my friends have supported me from the moment they heard either through my mouth, or through the e-mail grapevine from other people i havent spoken to in months, but whom i care for deeply. the man who fucked me on a side walk of the city of baltimore at aproximately 8:15 pm October 27, 2000 does not have a name. he does't have a face. only rough hands attached to muscular forceful arms. he was well dressed and smelled clean. he spoke well, aside from the agitated outburts of foulness that came from him mouth evertime i tried to squirm or, god forbid, made too much noise. i remember trying desperately to mute my own cries. mmmm, i too had no voice. i know where you are friend. fuck all of you who have the audacity to ask, "didn't you scream?" fuck you. the ones who ask that, are quite often the ones who might wonder what i was wearing, but realize asking a womyn something like that might be a bit off-key these days..especially in more "progressive" subcultures such as punk rock/hardcore/anarcho scenese. in my opinion, all of it's off-key. i dont know what this is.
maybe it's partially a rant, maybe it's part journal. i'm beyond blaming myself. but, now, i fully understand how someone could blame herself in the circumstances of rape. prior to this, i couldnt imagine how anyone could possibly blame herself, when she is so obviously not at at fault.
friend, sister, whoever you are....you did NOTHING wrong.
you did EVERYTING right. you did NOTHING in your life to deserve this. you are alive, and that's what matters.
not to come off preachy, but if you read this, i seriously suggest counseling. i was lucky enough to find a program where i had 14 weekly one-hour visits. i went for about 2 months, stopped, because i thought i was "better" and then resumed going. i moved to baltimore 2.5 months ago. i was raped here on a visit. i havent started going back to therapy since ivve moved here, but only because i've been really busy with housing and jobs and settling in. three things saved my life after the rape: 1. one amazing person who took care of me when i was far away from home and everything safe and comfortable. (this amazing person knows who he is, so i'm not gonna name drop, though i doubt he'd ever see this, unless someone else saw it and told him to come here. 2. talking to my family and friends about this.
3. therapy.
fuck. a rape cloud still hovers over me. most days are clear, but some days are overcast for what seems like lifetimes. my anniversaries are always rough. the last couple have been especially difficult, being away fom my mother and father and brother....because they are nothing but safety and warmth. every day is a new one, and every day must be dealt with on a singular level. recovery is a slow process....sometimes, so slow, i dont realize it's happening, until i'm thinking of the rape fewer times daily. a month ago a good hour and a half passed since waking up, and as i sat in rush hour traffic, i realized, for the first time in many days, i woke up and went about my daily life, without the very first minute of my day being dedicated to pushing thoughts of anger and sadness related to the rape to the back of my brain. that is fucking progress.
have hope in yourself, fuck everyone else.
who is hurting right now? not your friends. not your mom.
it may hurt your mom to find out about this...but she isnt hurting like you're hurting. remember to focus on yourself...because i feel like...if there is a time in anyone's life where slefishness is needed....it's when the person at hand has been completely knocked to the ground and is in desperate need of immediate repair.
im sorry
16 Apr 2001
im sorry. im sorry for you and im sorry for me and im sorry for anyone who has ever had every bit of dignity torn from their hearts and hands in an instant of pure violent madness. i've been very lucky in that my family has supported me from day one. my friends have supported me from the moment they heard either through my mouth, or through the e-mail grapevine from other people i havent spoken to in months, but whom i care for deeply. the man who fucked me on a side walk of the city of baltimore at aproximately 8:15 pm October 27, 2000 does not have a name. he does't have a face. only rough hands attached to muscular forceful arms. he was well dressed and smelled clean. he spoke well, aside from the agitated outburts of foulness that came from him mouth evertime i tried to squirm or, god forbid, made too much noise. i remember trying desperately to mute my own cries. mmmm, i too had no voice. i know where you are friend. fuck all of you who have the audacity to ask, "didn't you scream?" fuck you. the ones who ask that, are quite often the ones who might wonder what i was wearing, but realize asking a womyn something like that might be a bit off-key these days..especially in more "progressive" subcultures such as punk rock/hardcore/anarcho scenese. in my opinion, all of it's off-key. i dont know what this is.
maybe it's partially a rant, maybe it's part journal. i'm beyond blaming myself. but, now, i fully understand how someone could blame herself in the circumstances of rape. prior to this, i couldnt imagine how anyone could possibly blame herself, when she is so obviously not at at fault.
friend, sister, whoever you are....you did NOTHING wrong.
you did EVERYTING right. you did NOTHING in your life to deserve this. you are alive, and that's what matters.
not to come off preachy, but if you read this, i seriously suggest counseling. i was lucky enough to find a program where i had 14 weekly one-hour visits. i went for about 2 months, stopped, because i thought i was "better" and then resumed going. i moved to baltimore 2.5 months ago. i was raped here on a visit. i havent started going back to therapy since ivve moved here, but only because i've been really busy with housing and jobs and settling in. three things saved my life after the rape: 1. one amazing person who took care of me when i was far away from home and everything safe and comfortable. (this amazing person knows who he is, so i'm not gonna name drop, though i doubt he'd ever see this, unless someone else saw it and told him to come here. 2. talking to my family and friends about this.
3. therapy.
fuck. a rape cloud still hovers over me. most days are clear, but some days are overcast for what seems like lifetimes. my anniversaries are always rough. the last couple have been especially difficult, being away fom my mother and father and brother....because they are nothing but safety and warmth. every day is a new one, and every day must be dealt with on a singular level. recovery is a slow process....sometimes, so slow, i dont realize it's happening, until i'm thinking of the rape fewer times daily. a month ago a good hour and a half passed since waking up, and as i sat in rush hour traffic, i realized, for the first time in many days, i woke up and went about my daily life, without the very first minute of my day being dedicated to pushing thoughts of anger and sadness related to the rape to the back of my brain. that is fucking progress.
have hope in yourself, fuck everyone else.
who is hurting right now? not your friends. not your mom.
it may hurt your mom to find out about this...but she isnt hurting like you're hurting. remember to focus on yourself...because i feel like...if there is a time in anyone's life where slefishness is needed....it's when the person at hand has been completely knocked to the ground and is in desperate need of immediate repair.
you are not alone
17 Apr 2001
The only way you are ever going to feel safe in your own body again, to feel like you own it again, is to seek therapy. It is so hard, but so necessary. And in order to do that you will need to be willing to let those very unsteady walls you have begun to build these past few days crumble. Whenever we are hurt to such a degree, our minds, bodies and spirits immediately go into the denial phase. It is a natural protective action, but in instances like this it can be detrimental to your well being, your sanity.

Seek help, get tested and know that you are not alone. Anyone that gives you grief about this is lying to themselves. They would prefer that rape didn't happen in their 'community' - but it happens everywhere. You can not make everyone understand that, but as long as you do you will hopefully let their ignorance roll right off your back.

My thoughts are with you.