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News ::
If I Were a Conspiracy Theorist...
17 Sep 2001
If I were one of those crazy conspiracy nuts, I might think something like this: The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were carried out by the CIA, in collusion with the President and his "advisors", in order to bring about an inter-related set of objectives:
The President needs a convincing excuse to invade Afghanistan, or some other oil-rich Middle Eastern country, in order to get his hands on foreign reserves without having to answer to OPEC. Of course, Big Oil would love to do some drilling in ANWR or off the Florida coast, but environmentalists have been squawking too loudly. This has damaged the President’s Public Approval Rating, threatening his shot at re-election.

The Pentagon needs widespread endorsement of its multi-billion dollar Star Wars Missile Defense Program. So far, the public has been skeptical, but the threat of unpredictable nuclear attacks is sure to rally their support.

The U.S. needs a war to revive its failing economy. War will create jobs, and citizens will consider it their patriotic duty to spend lots of money, just when those rebate checks are starting to arrive in the mail. Americans love spending money, and they’ve been too fearful to do much of that lately. But they feel comforted when the President declares war and talks tough. They also like it when he cries. If he can do BOTH in the same speech, he is all but guaranteed a second term, which is crucial to his corporate bosses.

Multinational corporations need help in reversing a decline in their profits. Part of the problem, it seems, is the anti-globalization movement, which has been impeding access to resources and cheap labor markets, as well as undermining consumer confidence. In developing countries, the corporate paramilitary has been able to keep the movement under control by "disappearing" its leaders, but this tactic is not feasible in the so-called North, where well-educated dissidents often operate unilaterally using an unregulated mode of communication. Naturally, during a "war on terrorism", Northern governments will need to impose strict measures of censorship and surveillance on all forms of communication, and may have to suspend certain civil liberties. Those who protest will face intimidation and arrest from an extensive, highly-trained and well-armed police and Intelligence force. With these constraints in place, corporate colonization of the planet can continue unabated.

Now, how might the conspirators be able to achieve all of the objectives outlined above, in the shortest amount of time? Somehow, they would need to unleash the threat of "terrorism" against the civilian population. There would need to be an incident involving many deaths – but not too many, which rules out a nuclear detonation. The attack would need to appear to be executed not by one or two godless kooks, but by a well-organized network whose leaders reside somewhere in the Middle East. Fortunately, the CIA has already manufactured a scapegoat in the form of Osama bin Laden, a disciple of whom just might be careless enough to leave an Arabic aviation manual or two in the trunk of a rental car paid for with a credit card embossed with an actual name.

The hard part, I imagine, was finding a way to steer a few half-full airliners into their designated targets, but I suppose the CIA has its methods. They succeeded in hitting the WTC when it was mostly empty, although they probably didn’t anticipate that both buildings would collapse entirely. They also succeeded in hitting the side of the Pentagon that was largely vacant due to remodeling, and in making it appear likely that the fourth plane was headed toward the White House, which of course was meant to remain undamaged.

So, these are some of the thoughts I might have if I were a conspiracy nut. But I am not a conspiracy nut. I’m Just an Average Person who believes that the President is basically a decent guy with good intentions who serves the interests of the people and would never allow – let alone endorse – the killing of innocent civilians. I believe that the CIA and other organizations are doing whatever they need to do to protect me and my family, defend our way of life, and preserve the glorious ideals of freedom and democracy.

God bless America.
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