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News ::
WESTERN MASS SUCCEEDS FROM STATE AND UNION - Rebels Ask for Support (english)
06 Nov 2002
Modified: 09 Nov 2002
Reports that the rebels, referred by some as Shaysites after the Pelham agitator, are storing arms in so-called “horse caves” have not been confirmed. No weapons were apparent on the Town Common during the demonstration, though some local real estate developers and right-wingers were pelted with spoiled fruit, as is the time-honored custom among New Englanders.

Pelham,MA - In the wake of a far-right election victory of all three branches of the national government and what’s described as “nefarious ballot rigging” in the state of Massachusetts by Boston politicians, citizens in Western Massachusetts proclaimed today that they will succeed from the Baystate. Calling themselves Levellers or Regulators during a tumultuous rally on the Amherst Town Common, yeomen, small merchants and their supporters announced today that they would no longer abide by the dictates of what was described as “a cabal of hooligans and petty aristocrats”. Many of those assembled on the snow covered Common pointed toward the deceptive wording on a state ballot question regarding clean elections as reason enough to reject the so-called Beacon Hill Gang.
“No longer will we put up with Finneran and his corrupt cronies,” proclaimed Pelham resident Daniel Shays from a makeshift podium, “no longer will we contribute to scandalous public works projects in Boston which dig big into our meager pocketbooks.”
Shays went on to describe the rightwing election sweep on the federal level as “a victory for greed, selfishness, bellicosity and fascism”. Speaking to the cheering crowd, Shays condemned the present administration and their friends in Congress for being traitors. “These despicable tyrants, these traitorous vermin have given over control of our great nation to the corporations, to self-serving pretentious low-life who know only gluttony and seek only profit, to enemies of the common citizen.”
Speaker after speaker lambasted politicians they described as “Repugnicans” for undermining civil rights and the democratic principles the United States of America was founded upon. They vowed to “fight tooth and nail” to save the nation, but refused to participate any longer in the “corrupt business of the state and nation”. “From this day on,” announced Sally Fourth, a local militant and mother of two, “we claim this ground as free and independent from the tyranny of Beacon Hill, Capitol Hill and old Foggy Bottom. Whether we join our sisters and brothers in Vermont or stand alone in the struggle for REAL democracy, we shall never allow the likes of King George and his court, the corporados, or Finneran and his ilk to dictate to us or claim to represent us. Those men are enemies of humankind and the very Earth we stand upon. Their own children despise them. They are without love or any shred of morality.”
After burning effigies of King George, Lord Cheney, Finneran, and Massachusetts Senator Kerry, the mob stormed the local Starbucks and handed out free coffee and hot chocolate to passersby. Any tea on hand was thrown into the street. Constables were present at the disturbance, but seemed unwilling to deal with the agitated crowd.
Reports that the rebels, referred by some as Shaysites after the Pelham agitator, are storing arms in so-called “horse caves” have not been confirmed. No weapons were apparent on the Town Common during the demonstration, though some local real estate developers and right-wingers were pelted with spoiled fruit, as is the time-honored custom among New Englanders. Rumors that the arsenal in Springfield may be raided by the rebels are largely unfounded. As Shays pointed out in an earlier interview: “We have a sense that might be unproductive”.
Reactions to the succession of Western Massachusetts from the state and the nation seem mixed. Reached for comment at a smoke-filled room on Beacon Hill, Speaker Finneran seemed surprised at the news from the western part of the state. “I thought Worcester was onboard?” he said. When reporters pointed out that Worcester was in Central Massachusetts, the Speaker seemed confused. “Well, whoever they are, who needs ‘em!” Members of Congress and the present Administration in Washington were unavailable for comment. Whether they will take action to quell the rebellion in Western Massachusetts (referred to by some as the Autonomous Bioregional Peoples Republic of the Mid-Connecticut River Valley) remains to be seen. A spokesman for Senator Kerry, who asked not to be identified, noted that the Senator had more pressing business at his tailors, as well as a meeting with fellow courtesans in Washington.
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Comments

FYI (english)
06 Nov 2002
I think the word is 'secede'.

Dumbass.
hey kinkaid... (english)
06 Nov 2002
i think the only word for you is:

asshole

can't you find a place where your insipid commentary is actually appreciated?
Kinkaid Sucks (english)
09 Nov 2002
Hey Pat, what are you doing here if you hate everyone so much? Go back to your Republican enclave.