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News :: Politics
Nunavut Defense Forces Block Attempt on Bush
29 Nov 2004
Bush saved again.
Nunavut Defense Forces Block Attempt on Bush

IQALUIT - Nunavut authorities stopped an attempt on Bush today. Nunavut Defense Forces reports that a lone polar bear was intercepted while heading south. Scrolled on his side, in red paint, were the words "Fuck Bush."

During questioning the bear refused to answer any questions and was handed over to American authorities, transferred in an unmarked aircraft to Washington D.C. and then deported to Syria.

According to Syrian authorities, their interrogators have forced the bear to talk, revealing a secret network of al-Polar members scattered across Nunavut. These polar bears have been purchasing weapons from Wal-Mart stores in Alaska and then smuggling them across the Yukon to Nunavut.

Aerial surveillance suggests the a secret trans-polar root exists. Weapons of Mass Destruction are finding their way from Northern Afghanistan, across Central Asia and then on through Russia where they are transported beneath the polar cap by al-Qaeda seals. Polar bears have been seen using their white coats to blend into the ice near the Canadian side of the Arctic Ocean, waiting for the al-Qaeda seals to arrive.

The American Department of Homeland Security is pressuring Ottawa to join the defense forces of these two nations to resist this polar threat. Canadians are being asked to give up their sovereignty and learn to sing the Star Spangled Banner. "It's in their, you know, their best interest," said President George Bush. "We gotta smoke'm out and keep 'em running."

Marlene Jennings has asked all Canadians to smile kindly at Bush while he visits Canada lobbying for unity. "He's our neighbor," she is reported to have said, "the least we can do it give up our sovereignty to him."

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I like it.
29 Nov 2004
There is more to life than news. At times the truth can only be captured in a spoof.
Re: Nunavut Defense Forces Block Attempt on Bush
30 Nov 2004
All Indy readers who have the time are urged to come north to Canada on Nov. 29 and 30 to tell George W what you think of him - both in Canada and in the USA. Join with us Canucks in telling Bush that he is an unwelcome terrorist.

In Ottawa, there are many events being planned. Here are two that CUPE members are encouraged to attend on Nov. 30th:

No to Bush rally and march
12 noon
Ottawa City Hall, corner of Elgin and Laurier
CUPE contingent: meet at 11:45 a.m. at the Human Rights Monument at Elgin & Lisgar

No to war vigil

5 p.m.
Parliament Hill
Bring candles, flashlights or other lights
Let's add our voices to the thousands speaking out next week in favour of peace, justice and freedom.

If you can't meet us in Ottawa, consider sending Prime
Minister Paul Martin a letter saying: No to war, no to missile defence and no to free trade over
public services and strong communities!
Organizing the Nunavut Protest
02 Dec 2004
Donations are now being accepted for a Yukon dogsled race to Nunavut as a show of solidarity. PETA need not apply. There is one corporate sponsor - Alpo, but they promise to stop killing Mustangs, and though they are a corporation, they hate themselves.
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